As parents we all want something better for our children than we had for ourselves, and this Juneteenth I am doubling down on my commitment to my son. I will do everything in my power to give him something I didn’t have as a child: pride.
I was only nine when I first convinced my mother it was time to start relaxing my hair. I felt like if I could just have white girl hair, the kind of hair you can just casually toss over your shoulders, all would be right with the world. I simply could not conceive of a world where my own wild curls were synonymous with beauty. For decades my hair was mostly an inconvenience I expensively maintained. It ultimately took the love and acceptance of someone else, the man I ultimately married, who pushed me to put an end to my hair hatred and embrace what I was blessed with: a beautiful and unruly set of curls.
I want a different world for my child. I don’t want him to make decisions based solely on a need to assert his humanity in a world that hates him because of the color of his skin or the texture of his hair. For me, my son’s wild hair is a personal act of resistance. My hope is that in just letting it be, and just letting him be, I am creating an environment that asserts his natural beauty. He will grow up knowing that every aspect of him is honored, respected, and valued.
I know I cannot protect him from the insidiousness of racism and white supremacy but I can teach him to love himself. I can show him how to create his own private refuge of love and care and tenderness to retreat to when the world becomes hateful. For our family, Juneteenth isn’t about bawdy celebrations that can be monetized. It is about being honest about our past and honoring the grief and joy that come with Black skin—and creating safe spaces to experience both.
My son’s hair gives me hope. And because he’s my child, I hope that one day, after shaving it all off, or doing something else to it that I find equally ridiculous, he will read this and laugh—and be reminded of just how loved and worthy he truly is.
Marisa Renee Lee is a writer, speaker, and entrepreneur. She is the author of the bestseller, Grief is Love: Living with Loss, CEO of Beacon Advisors and founder of the breast cancer charity, The Pink Agenda. She lives in the DC area with her husband Matthew, son Bennett, and dog Sadie.
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